In the third season of South Park, the two of the father's of the main child characters wind up naked in a hot tub. There is some sexual tension, some conservation, and then the announce that everyone is a little gay.
Some in the LGBT community found this offensive because it framed the issue of sexual orientation as a choice. As the minister of my church said many years ago, he did not know if being gay was a choice, but for him it was not. So I understand, especially for those who were raised being discriminated against, the idea that being gay is a choice is not open for discussion.
It reminds me of the discussions about race that some bigots had when I was growing up. How we were not supposed to discriminate against black people because skin color was not a choice. Yes, it was probable that black people were inferior, but it was not their choice. We had to be sympathetic and help these people who were dealt a bad hand at birth.
We, of course, now know that all this is garbage. We are all equal, all have something to offer, and there is no monolithic culture around skin color, gender, or anything else. We all take the best of whatever we are exposed, and create our own lives. Many choose to be this person or that person because it works for us, and if we make a choice for personal reasons rather than to comply with the wishes of someone's arbitrary deity, it makes the choice no less valid.
This is why recent comments by Ben Carson are so interesting. In these he says that being in jail makes some man gay, so being gay is a choice. He further says that it is ok for people to be gay, and to have sex, but not to be married. The choice idea is not ht big issue, but the assumption that there is a preferable choice and that preferable choice should be given special rights is problematic.
As mentioned, back in the day there was a distinction made between have dark skin and being culturally black. The dark skin was not a choice, but one could, and should, choose to not be culturally black, whatever that meant. The choice of speaking in the not-preferred dialect, wearing an afro, dressing in multiple colors, left one open to discrimination not because people were bigots, but because you made a choice to be discriminated against. Unfortunately all too often the same rules apply today.
One made a choice to avoid discrimination by knowing one's place and doing one's best to fit into the hegemony. This is exactly what Carson is speaking of when he speaks of being homosexual as a choice. People who choose to be straight set the rules, and those who choose not to fit in will be given limited rights as long as they know their place. The preferable orientation is straight, and we must accept this basic fact if we are not be discriminated against. We are are all a little gay, but those of us who make a choice to be gay do so only at the whim of the straight cabal.
Which of course is silly. We have the right to make choices, even when those choices are against another preferred sky monster. It is absolutely true that being gay for many people is not a choice, but that distinction is only really important in a world where being gay is an inferior choice to being straight, just like being black is only relevant in a world where being white is superior. It is not, and the world is better when we stand on the rooftops declaring that everyone has equal value.
Some activist are going to scream about how being gay is not a choice. Again, it depends on the person and many are rightly going to say it is not a choice. But just like we need to move beyond tolerance, we need to move to a world where an homosexual couple is treated absolutely equally to straight couple, choice or not choice.
After all, I know many couples where being in straight relationship was a choice, and it makes their love no less valid.